Elena Liventseva (Academy of Documentary and Art Photography "Fotografika")
Looking for my mother
My project is about closeness with mom. In my childhood, my mother almost never was near, then she completely disappeared. My childhood passed in an attempt to hide and protect myself from the label “orphan”. For 15 years I didn’t know about my mother, but I continued to look for her. In my memory, she remained young. I didn’t recognize her when we met. Recognition of mother began with the recognition of her body. Everything changed when I found out about mom’s childhood trauma. At 12, she gave birth to a baby. But the girl drowned at the age of 6 months. It was a child’s sorrow over a child. Sorrow became a family secret that couldn’t be mentioned. Mom didn’t forgive herself; harming herself was easier than forgiving. She hid her life in guilt, hopelessness, alcohol. Now our closeness with mom continues to grow, although the past still interferes with us.
Story: Looking for my mother
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This is an archive photo of me in childhood. My mask is a symbol that I closed myself from the world
Story: Looking for my mother
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Archive photo, collage. My mother is with her parents. I tried to rediscover my family history.
Story: Looking for my mother
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My mother's body. Recognition of mother began with the recognition of her body.
Story: Looking for my mother
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The drowned child dress as a symbol of my mother's childhood trauma
Story: Looking for my mother
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Baby photo of my mom. A photo from archive. Needles symbolize childhood injuries. She felt herself like an unloved daughter.
Story: Looking for my mother
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This is a portrait of my mother. I wanted to show her guilt and hopelessness. She hid her life in guilt, hopelessness, alcohol.
Story: Looking for my mother
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An archived photo from my school Yearbook (school album), a collage. Childhood trauma distorted my self-image.
Story: Looking for my mother
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Now our closeness with mom continues to grow. Gloves are a symbol of the past, which still interfere us to be close.
Story: Looking for my mother
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This flower shows our connection with mom. Despite the trauma of our childhood, we are one.
Story: Looking for my mother
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Mom and me. Through my body, I tried to feel our connection as women, women of a kind.
Story: Looking for my mother
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My hand. Our closeness continues to grow, and I hope that we will not lose each other.